Saturday, July 09, 2005

Armed militants attack British convoys

From your Biased Broadcasting Company correspondent Orla Cretin.

Members of the militant group Al Qaeda are being subjected to targetted killing and arbitrary arrest by the British secret services and armed forces in a dramatic operation that will eventually sweep through the entire UK. British Prime Minister Tony Blair, a man who stands accused of being complicit in war crimes in Iraq and Afghanistan, says that Britain will use "any means necessary" to eliminate those involved in Thursday's militant actions in London, including using the sovereign territory of other nations to prevent further incursions.

The International Sycophancy Movement, Travesty International and other human rights organisations have been quick to condemn Britain's use of force against civilians, and the ISM has pledged to send human shields to stand in front of the entrances to the caves in Tora Bora and elsewhere to protect the majority of Al Qaeda members who have not played any direct part in the militant uprising.

Friends of the Oppressed spokesmen George Galway and Tony Bennet were quick to point out that "the continued existence of Britain is understandably a cause of trauma to the vast majority of Al Qaeda supporters, who are really peace-loving people. The only solution is to immediately hold a conference to decide on the future of the United Kingdom and redraw the borders to take into account their years of pain and suffering."

Cherry Bliar, a former top lawyer now seeking a career in politics, added: "As long as young people feel they have got no hope but to blow themselves up, you are never going to make progress."

Insurgents chose to attack train convoys carrying commuters, many of them settlers from other parts of the world or the UK who have moved to London for ideological or economic reasons. Most had recently voted for Tony Blair, and were hence considered by Al Qaeda, a political and social welfare organisation, to be complicit in his war crimes and thus legitimate targets. They were travelling to work along tunnels dug deep beneath territory held by Britain since the Roman defeat of Boadicea in the year 61CE.

Al Qaeda insurgents also destroyed a bus commandeered by the commuters and diverted from its agreed route into the disputed Tavistock Square area of London in what was seen as an act of provocation.

In total, around 50 commuters died in Thursday's clash, whilst Al Qaeda have not said how many of its own members may have been killed.

The British government was offered a truce last year by Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda's political leader, but refused to consider any concessions or compromises. 100,000 Muslims and 4,000 Westerners have died since the beginning of hostilities in September 2001.

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