Monday, July 24, 2006

Soft targets

Well, you were warned; back the Zionists, or they will use all their insidious cunning to demoralise you slowly, destroying your liberal cultural icons and budding sporting heroes, one by one...

First, we got Geldof in a classic piece of Jewish market manipulation, which just shows our dominance of the most important managerial posts of the entertainment industry. Fail to keep the yiddishe moguls on board, and there will be consequences, especially if you go out of your way to organise a string of lefty concerts for a cause you know nothing about resolving, to be attended by the great unwashed and undoshed. Our revenge was sweet, the embarrassment - even for a man who named his kids Fifi, Peaches and Pixie - quite palpable:

"Live 8 organiser Sir Bob Geldof has cancelled his Italian tour after only 45 people turned up to see him perform. Geldof - who has tirelessly campaigned for Third World debt relief - refused to go on stage at Milan's 12,000-capacity Arena Civica on Friday (21.07.06) once he realised how small the audience was.

He told the small crowd gathered outside the arena: "These aren't the right conditions for a concert. It's not our fault," A performance in Rome on Saturday was also cancelled after only 300 tickets were sold. The 51-year-old former Boomtown Rats singer had flown in from South Africa for the show and promised disappointed fans he will play a free concert in the European country in September.

Italian Newspaper Il Messaggero reported the 40 euro tickets contributed to the poor attendance and claimed the price was "excessive for an artist whose music is not closely followed in Italy".

This is not the first time Geldof has cancelled an Italian show. In 1999, he refused to go on stage in Rome because he had a sore throat - but poor attendances were also reported at the time.

Geldof was instrumental in organising last year's Live 8 concerts - which coincided with the G8 summit hosted by Britain - to raise funds for African famine relief."

Then we turned our attention to an arena which is not one that we Zionist imperialists are so well-known for - sport. For us, it is merely a means to keep the body trim for the day we need to either invade someone else's country or run away from some form of pogrom. But occasionally we like to flex our muscles, and take countries that have offended us down a peg or two.

In this case, we waited for Kim Howells to open his big Camel Corps mouth and tell us not to defend ourselves against the nice, well-meaning Arabs, and then we punished the British people by rigging the Davis Cup tie. This was a culmination of many years of cultivating a mole deep within the UK tennis establishment, to build up hopes each year as Wimbledon approached, and then crush them mercilessly. Tim Henman is actually a Mossad agent, codenamed "Bottler". Meanwhile, we slipped some banned drugs into Rusedski's Lucozade and snitched on him to the LTA, nearly getting him thrown out of the game. And as the grand finale, we did this:

"Great Britain will face a relegation play-off against Ukraine after losing their Davis Cup Euro-Africa Zone Group One tie to Israel at Eastbourne. The visitors took an unassailable 3-1 lead after Noam Okun beat Jamie Delgado 6-3 6-4 6-7 (5-7) 2-6 6-3. Delgado, a late replacement for the injured Andy Murray, battled from two sets down to give Great Britain hope. But Okun overcame an early break in the fifth and final set to claim victory after a run of four successive games.

Okun, ranked 270 in the world, played solid tennis and seemed destined for a straight-sets win before Delgado rallied. Having wasted a glorious chance to win the third set at 5-3 on his serve, Delgado finally gave the partisan Devonshire Park crowd something to cheer when he took the tie-break. He then raced through the fourth set and broke early in the fifth to give the hosts hope of a tantalising fifth and deciding rubber. But that dream scenario was shattered as Okun mustered one final push and closed out for a famous win. "It was a crazy match and I'm feeling so high," he told BBC Sport after sealing the victory. "It was a great, great match. I don't know what happened to me in the third and fourth set, I went to sleep a little bit, but my team woke me up. I didn't really play bad, but Jamie played out of his mind. At times I didn't know what to do, I had to hang in there and wait to take my chance when he went down a little bit." Scotland's Alan Mackin beat Israel's Dekel Valtzer 6-2 6-1 in the dead rubber to give close the overall score of the match to 3-2. Great Britain will play Ukraine in Kiev in late September.

For our next trick, we are sending Matthew Parris, erstwhile columnist for The Times, and "out" homosexual, on a free holiday, as a reward for his outspoken stance on Israel's actions in recent days. It is all very well to criticise us, but this implies that our neighbours must be very civilised, and totally undeserving of anything they get from us. So seeing as he barely believes in our right to exist, and sees no merit in the lone democracy with all its permissiveness, we think he deserves a whistlestop tour of the Middle East, to sample first hand how most Arab countries treat their gays. We are not expecting him to return.

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