Sunday, November 05, 2006

A day in the life of Freedmansmum

A guest spot from Freedmansmum...

Very honoured to be invited to blog – whatever that means. I must be too old to know as I am Freedman’s Mum. Anyway thought I’d tell you all about a typical day in my exciting life.

Wake up earlier than required, around 0445, can’t get back to sleep due to noise emanating from my right so decide to visit Tesco before my swim to buy a few bits. Remember to put on mobile phone as they say I never have it on in Tesco - no one rings.

This is good use of time and it is always quiet that time of day although I am amazed how many people are actually around then. Shall it be Hayes (chavs) - fancy me knowing that word - or Perivale (toffs and Poles)? Decide down-market today and nearer to swimming pool. Get there at 0515 and pick up a few things - can’t understand why the bill is like £150 but console myself with the thought like that it is lots of Tesco points - cool. Continuing in chav mode - pay cash for a few more bits so accountant I am sleeping with doesn’t get the full picture of my trip – after all I was a VAT inspector where I gained a useful expertise at concealing transactions.

Arrive at the Pool at 0630. Turn phone off – no point having it on in the locker. The usual suspects are congregated outside. So relaxing to start the day unaccompanied by my co-religionists who would be looking at my flab, bad skin, cheap costume, scruffy towel and telling EVERYONE. Ponjos (Freedmanslife word) are so much more accepting of people as they find them. Lovely swim once the Olympic turn and large guy have finished - I always find it better swimming with water in the pool. No time to steam today as I must get home to unload the shopping and do some work.

Another decision to take - shall I wear make up or risk being seen without? Decide to wear it only to ensure I don’t get any unplanned meetings with co religionists or interviewees today besides which the window cleaner might come and I must look my best for him. Don’t bother to turn phone on as I am going home.

Race home, making sure I obey husband’s instructions not to let out any 4 x 4 vehicles, and after 3 attempts (feeling a bit tired by now) back the car into the garage without scraping the wing mirrors and unload. Husband and Prince are still asleep so do it all on my own but hot (sorry, boot) up my work computer as I will never get online if I don’t do it early.

Complete the fiendish sudoku over a small breakfast and a lot of cups of tea then attempt the Deadly killer to show the Prince my brain cell is working. Sadly it is not but I am in training/therapy. 0900 and my work phone rings - I am so important they call early – will it be a special request to interview the Prime Minister today?. No, it is the Princess also at work early - she won’t like this but I can see she is turning into me. We converse about the foibles of the Civil Service and conclude that we love our work and it is the best employer. Once I have remembered where I put the bit of paper with the code I transfer funds to her account to “help” her with whatever she wanted to do but could not afford.

Notice I have an email from my manager. It is another “joke” in the team spirit and a request to help a colleague complete his expenses on line as he is having problems. Well what to do you expect from an ex-cop? I phone him and we have a teamly moan then I identify his problem - yes me over a certain age and can do expenses online - I sometimes amaze myself. Decide I had better fix some interviews and find no one can do when I want and one wants this afternoon only. I hurry up and start typing my work from yesterday as I am now losing a few hours today.

10 minutes go by and the phone rings. It is my boss (husband) asking me to post 2 letters he has forgotten. Back to the typing when Prince appears - I admonish him for his 5 day stubble , he shouts at me, winds me up over not doing the sudoku which he then completes in 2 minutes then opens his post and finds a premium bond win. There is no justice.

Back to the typing when the phone rings. HQ want me to do a rush job. Is it OK to send it? I can hardly say no. The interviewee is in London tomorrow only. It is OK, I say; I don’t have a personal life, I don’t say. Type some more then realise I need lunch. Go to the fridge and find the smoked salmon I had been looking forward to has gone. Berate the Prince only to find it was his Dad.

Back to the office, gather the work bag and rush out - good job I wore make up today although disappointed to miss the window cleaner. Put on the mobile on the way home but can’t see the point as I have to leave it in the boot. It rings 4 times and eventually I think it must be an emergency so stop the car to answer it. 4 missed calls. Number withheld. Switch it off.

Back home and as I come through the door the work phone rings. Do they have a tracking system unbeknown to me? No it is my Mother. Spend 10 minutes listening, guilt trip that I work and have not enough time to give her the help she really needs then realise I do the job to avoid having to give her more time.

Back to work – the special request has come through. Printer jams so I use brute force but still it won’t work. Beg the prince to rescue me - he does - I will never criticise his stubble again - I am so glad he won a premium bond - he deserves some luck.

Phone rings - gosh I am really popular today. No it is husband reminding me he has a meeting tonight so can we eat promptly at 7. Give up work and go in the kitchen. Start supper and realise there is no cake in the tin. What will the gardeners say tomorrow, supposing someone calls unexpectedly? Rustle up a cake, do a small supper and read the paper.

Feeling a bit tired now so eat a small quantity (8 squares) of Green and Blacks ginger chocolate. Husband comes in last minute, we bolt our dinner, I clear up as husband must do his things before going out and Prince has an urgent conference call with Timbuktu to discuss a pile of ……

2030 I finally finish work for the day. Peruse the TV programmes for after 2100 and find nothing to watch. Have another attempt at deadly sudoku - fail so eat more Green and Blacks. Go to bedroom to watch news and almost nod off. Phone rings - I have won a prize holiday so long as I want to hear about a time share and spend £40. No thanks.

Husband returns and regales me with exciting events from his meeting, asks why the Tesco bill is so big and has a whisky to get over it. Notice I have dropped off for 20 minutes and have not been paying attention. Miss the bit where he says he won’t be home for dinner tomorrow.

It has been a good day - no one got ill or died, Israel is still there, I have had some enjoyable interactions, I have not over worked - I am a civil servant after all, I have been lucky. Ear plugs in due to noise emanating from my right. Zzzz…

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