Monday, December 25, 2006

He's back!

So, the holidays are upon us, I'm home alone, and feeling inspired to recapture the peaks of Freedmanslife (summer last year) when 1,000 people a month - yes, that's right - were reading the wisdom of the Podger from Pinner.

But what to write? Sadly, ennui has set in, for both author and reader. Fighting the good fight is supposed to be an altruistic thing, where I plough on feeding out opinions on everything from Anti-capitalism to Zionism (perhaps the bookends of that spectrum contain a root cause). But finding new things to say, and getting no response, is rather a tedious monologue. Easy as it is to assume everyone agrees with me, the more logical conclusion is that my readership is down to the bare bones.

So here is the rescue plan. Incidentally I have recently applied this methodology to my professional and personal lives. Businessmen worldwide are being cowed into doing fair deals that actually work, and women are being shamed into seeing beyond my portly exterior and loving the man inside.

The fact that I am still writing this in casa parentalis should not distract either the businessmen or the women from considering a successful relationship. So as I was saying, here is the recovery programme:

- Readers will be attracted back to the glories of Freedmanslife through the increased shock value of the content to be published here over the festive season (by the way, this will include a dangerous rant about bland multicultural terminology). We wish to assure all readers that this does not represent the "tabloidisation" of Freedmanslife, except in the way that the Guardian and Independent got even more rancid when they shrunk, which was a response to dwindling readership. Therein lies a canny parallel.

- We are also going to feature more guest postings from Freedmansmum and perhaps even a contribution from Freedmansdad. Loyal readers are also welcome to submit articles of their own or that they see elsewhere. Note that wishy-washy pandering claptrap will probably end up on the cutting-room floor. We're not going after the readers of Time magazine.

- There will be some more personal content here, which is a return to the origins of Freedmanslife, back when it was a mere Yahoo Group and blogging was just a twinkle in the eye of some Silicon Valley stoners and/or nerdy Harvard grads. Women who fail to reject your author gracefully enough (now now, that's very negative, some might not reject me at all) will make a cryptic appearance - you have been warned.

That's about it. We shall see whether I can regain my writer's mojo in the next few weeks, otherwise I can just do what all the other great internet behemoths do and get Google to buy me out...

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