Monday, April 16, 2007

Why I hate the gym

I was in the changing room at the gym today, after managing half an hour wheezing on the weird new side-stepper machine and 20 laps of the pool, when I overheard this dialogue between two jolly hockey sticks Guardian-readers talcuming their flabby white bottoms nearby:
"My wife is orf to Tehran next week. Bloody awful place, don't know why she's going."
"What's she going to do in Eye-rahn, and who is she going with?"
"My son, and they're going to go around on a bus. How awful, can't think of anything worse."
"Let's just hope her trip doesn't coincide with those Israelis deciding they've had enough and bombing the place."
"Yes, rotten luck that would be if she got caught up in that."
Well yes, rotten luck for readership statistics of the New Statesman, and voting figures for the local Lib Dems...

What I haven't quite worked out is why they think Israel would suddenly decide to bomb the crap out of Iran without provocation. I thought it was another example of the casual and gratuitous sport of blaming the Zionist Empire for everything.

Presumably if the flight is late into Tehran, it'll be because of the circuitous route needed to avoid overflying hostile (ie pro-American) territory, and if his wife gets a stomach bug, it'll be because Mossad are poisoning the water supply.

I'm not sure how the Evil Jooz can be blamed for LA Fitness banishing the men's shower area to a Portakabin at the back of the swimming pool for 3 weeks, then turfing us out of our own changing rooms so that the women can use them while theirs are being refurbished. This would never happen in Iran... presumably women would work out, swim and shower in full burkas in a separate gym anyway.

Besides, heaven forbid that any nation should actually defend itself against Iranian hostility, unlike the pathetic remains of this once-great country, whose media, politicians, armed forces and liberal masses climbed over each other to hand Ahmedinejad the biggest PR and geo-strategic gain possible. But somehow I'm sure that's our fault too.

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